twenty seven weeks

hello, third trimester!



dear baby:


this week, i had the most vivid dream about you.


you were here. early, but big and healthy. we were unprepared and didn't have diapers, or even a car seat, but the thing i was worried about most was making sure that you had the most perfect easter outfit. you know, priorities. so the three of us ventured to old navy where we weaved through the aisles trying to find something that would match your cuteness. sometimes you were a boy, sometimes you were a girl.


each time i looked at you i felt the urge to kiss your cheeks and comment on how soft they were. when your dad held you, you looked so tiny and my heart swelled and melted. swelled and melted. (except when i caught your dad carrying you by your overall straps like a six-pack - dreams are weird).


we still hadn't figured out what name honored you best. so in between the hats and socks, we just stared. then one of us would kiss you. and then we would stare some more.


what struck me most about the dream was not how darling you were (although you were the sweetest thing i have ever dreamt), but how very much i loved you. i had never felt a love like that, even in reality. this love was different. it was a love that was primal, vulnerable and full of pride, overwhelming adoration and a little bit of fear. i truly wondered how my body would sustain these new emotions.


although i have loved you from the beginning, i haven't been able to imagine what i will feel for you when you arrive quite as much as i was able to in my dream. in my dream, it was suddenly clear. no longer this hazy love. i knew what i felt for you. there was simply no denying it.