last week...

:: i took this picture. and i am just a little obsessed with it. i wonder what he was thinkin' about?

:: i discovered that my favorite place to kiss him is right on his little temple. it is slightly indented, perfectly fits my pucker and is oh-so soft.

:: we visited mimi and pops for lunch...and finn decided to wear one of his special onesies for the occasion.

:: finn loves mimi and pops.

:: we found ourselves in napa for a mid-week visit and finn had his first tractor ride with papa!

:: this is the face finn usually makes when he falls asleep in oma's arms.

:: we learned that oma is a bad ass. a bad ass who kills rattle snakes. this, my friends, is what a real pioneer woman looks like. and yes, that is a gun in her hand.

:: she can kill rattlesnakes, and fry em' up too. just kidding. but she does make a mean red sauce. and garlic bread. and salad.

:: finn is very comfy on tante emily's chest.

:: party favors - casa de awesome style.

:: finn finally met uncle serf! he was so smitten with him he fell asleep in his arms. soooo cute.

:: finn loves lazy afternoons at obasan's house. so does mama.

:: this is how ever greeted us after waking from his nap. pretty funny stuff.
:: ever and finn spent some time together.

:: and uncle trevor and i played dress up.
:: we headed to christy's for a little wine and cheese, followed by an evening walk.

:: as we walked around the block, tracey said, "i can't believe we are old enough to be pushing strollers." i couldn't agree more.

:: the sky looked like cotton candy and the lovely delta breeze arrived after a long, hot hiatus.

:: husband and i had date night "in" after finn's bedtime...

:: and the week ended with date night "out". with finn. drive through style.

:: oh how times have changed.

it just keeps getting better.

what's been going on...

:: finn still loves his changing table. like, a lot.

:: finn finally met logan. it was so sweet. and as i took this picture i envisioned these two as naughty teenagers. hard to believe those darling faces may give us trouble one day.


:: finn made his first trip to grandma great's house to celebrate grandpa great's birthday. we ate pizza. it was awesome.

:: finn loves oma.


:: finn already giving me his "whatever mom" face. at the ripe old age of five weeks.


:: finn giving mama his "smile for the camera" face.


:: finn learns to take a bottle after mama learned to pump that liquid gold. i see date night OUT in our future!


:: finn is finally big enough to model all the onesies that were decorated at mimi's shower. FUN!


:: finn loves quilt time. especially when tante rachel takes a vacation day to join us.


:: finn shows off his superman pose.

:: finn with his parents who can't stop kissing him.

a pink quilt

it was a wednesday. just me and finn. and after trying all the tricks in my novice mama bag, including shushing, swaddling, sucking, swinging-you know, EVERYTHING - still nothing was calming this fussy babe. i sensed he was both bored with our little house and overstimulated by all my efforts to soothe him.


so despite the heat, i decided that we would head outside and hope that a change in scenery would do the trick.

and much to my surprise, there on a pink quilt that used to cover my childhood bed, my son and i had the most magical thirty minutes together yet.

****

when finn was born i fell hard and fast for that boy, but as difficult as it is to admit, his birth day wasn't the celestial adventure i had dreamt up in my head. i was groggy from surgery and medications i never anticipated. i was terribly disappointed over the loss of the birth experience i had envisioned. i was dealing with pain that surprised me.


as we journeyed home and muddled through those first two weeks, there were moments that i would look at him and he sometimes felt like the littlest of strangers. darling and oh so dear to me but mysterious and strange nonetheless. a few times i found myself asking, "is this real?". and i am pretty sure the feeling was mutual - "is this my mother?". :) don't get me wrong, majority of our time together was peaceful and full of amazement, mostly because ryan and my mom are such loving caregivers and baby whisperers. and overall, we lucked out with a pretty happy baby and a dreamy sleeper - but the hard times, although few, were harder than i expected. pain limited how i could care for finn. he seemed to cry for only me and i felt like everyone else knew how to best calm him.


we still had to get to know one another.


well now, four weeks later, we most certainly know each other.


and it's safe to say that we are great friends.

****

during our time outside that wednesday we stared at one another, we gazed at the trees and the flickering light. and we chatted a bit. he was completely content. and each time that our eyes met i felt something that i hadn't before. all of my uncertainty took a back seat and i not only felt victorious, but that intoxicating, over the moon, full of love feeling washed over me. it was the celestial moment i thought i had missed out on.


as i realized that i could speak my baby's language and understand his needs, everything faded away...i felt more grateful than disappointed over the way finn entered the world: he was here and well. i told myself that babies just cry sometimes. its not personal. and i believed it this time. i remembered my days before finn and thought about how life now seems to be in technicolor. everything-the happiness, the fear, the love - it is all magnified. and it's so wonderful.


i suddenly felt confident and capable. and more importantly, i realized that in between the dirty diapers and five o'clock crying spells, i had discovered what i had been missing: the joy in motherhood.

and just like that. a warm day. a pink quilt. a happy boy.

i had finally arrived as a mother.

these two...

...really have somethin' special.

and just as i predicted, this babe truly is a daddy's boy.

while i am good for food, snuggles and a soft voice, finn is absolutely ENAMOURED with his daddy.

he could just stare at his daddy for hours. as in fixated, no blinking, no eye diverting...just a full on gawk.

he could be "fussy finn" in my arms one second, and the next second, if placed in his daddy's arms, he will enter a complete, wide open eyed coma.

sometimes it really chaps my hide (what am i? chopped liver?:), but most of the time i find it completly endearing and one of the most tender things i have ever witnessed.

i never doubted it would happen, but seeing how this little pair have fallen head over heels for each other is just the cherry on top.

lately

:: my new favorite pic. of my favorite little boy. (i still can't believe i had a boy!)

:: daddy and finn's new trick to play on mommy. finn suddenly (and miraculously) appears around a corner or say, above the shower curtain and ryan talks in a funny baby voice demanding things like milk or a kiss. it makes me laugh every time.

:: finn's first play date with baby dylan. dylan is a little mature for our little one at a whopping four months old, but he was a good sport, and played nice with little finn. whatta pal.

:: we left the playdate with a party favor: new pacifier that finn tolerates for longer than ten minutes. awesome!

:: baby f is almost as obsessed with these letters as i am. almost.

:: finn met mr. wessels. it was pretty cute.

:: these three characters came to hang out for a little sunday funday. it was fun indeed.

:: i love backyard time. and ever was ever so sweet with little finn.

:: baby boy loooooves his baby bjorn.

:: ok, this one may be my new favorite. wait, no. still can't decide.

:: this mobile has calmed quite a few crying spells. instant peace.

:: baby fists for brandy.

:: these two tantes surprised me at target for a visit. hilarious. i was soooooo shocked. it made for such a fun saturday night that ended with us all curled up in one bed as we chatted away. heaven.

:: this kid is a fan of the bath. especially when daddy is there.

:: goodnight moon.