flowers

we were given so many beautiful flowers from so many loved ones following finn's birth day. they brightened every corner of our hospital room and now, our home. they have helped bring a little "outside in" as i have been in hibernation mode for the last week. and they have helped remind us that we are not alone and how many people love our little finn.

i have diligently (almost obsessively) replaced water and have tried to make certain that every stem is submerged, hoping to prolong the life of each bouquet. these blossoms symbolize something much greater to me. they symbolize this precious newborn time that is already so quickly passing.

yesterday the petals of the lillies that ryan brought me in the hospital began to gently float to the floor. and as they fell, i felt a twinge of pain, wanting so badly to freeze this most intoxicating time.

i do gain solace in knowing what is ahead; finn's first smile, the pumpkin patch, more sleep :) people tell me it just gets even better. and although i am skeptical (how could it get better than this?!), i believe them. i feel like i am playing a game of tug of war: excited for what is to come with finn's life, and sadness for what has already passed (a mere ten days!). i suppose this should not surprise me, after all, i am still the girl that used to cry in my mom's arms when christmas was over, and now i get kind of sad on christmas morning, knowing that the anticipation is gone.

time has never been an easy concept for me, it mystifies me, it confuses me and it pains me and these flowers, while beautiful, are a visual reminder that this time will pass before i know it.

so each time i pick up another petal, i am led to hold my sweet boy a bit tighter, to study his little features with more attention, and watch him sleep for just another moment. i am grateful that something as ordinary as a bouquet can help me stay in the present and treasure every. single. moment.